I have been trying so hard to block you out of my mind for I am sure that once I let a single thought of you creep inside it, others will come crashing through and soon enough it will explode along the breaking of my fragile heart that is now divided into a million pieces but you still manage to break anyway. The last thing that I ever wanted to think about is you because once I let myself drown with thoughts of you, I will remember how much it hurts and how it is supposed to hurt. But I am kind of used with the pain, you know? I have spent too many nights with swollen eyes and vodka to keep me company and no matter how many alcohol I take in, my heart will always scream your name. The thing that I don’t quite understand here is I liked it, I liked the pain too much that I don’t mind going through it over and over again as long as it is from you. And so I don’t feel anything anymore other than this infinite emptiness and endless longing for you. Maybe if I don’t count the days until your return, the pain would not be this extreme. But in spite of all of this, I will still stay. I will be the one who would never walk away even if you have left me behind too many times. Because this pain is worth it all and you can easily mend my wounds once you take a step back to where I am. So I will always be waiting, love.
—I love you so much it hurts, (N.A.)